Lately, I've been thinking how I can simplify my life and get rid of the clutter interrupting God's purpose for my life. I think of the time in my life things were sweetest with Jesus, and it's when I physically had little. JESUS PLEASE TAKE ME BACK THERE BECAUSE THIS OVERLY BUSY, OVERLY STIMULATED SO-CALLED-LIFE HAS WORN OUT ITS WELCOME! Some of that process is just letting go, and saying, "God, I can't do it without you leading me." Another part of that is getting my prayer life and personal Bible reading happening again. What can I expect from Him when my prayer life is like the Mojave desert?! In addition, it's me taking charge and getting rid of the crap that clouds my relationship with God. I'm in no means saying this is how it works for everyone, but this is what I MUST do to get my life on track.
Goal #1: I finally let Go and let God, as the saying goes.
Goal #2: Prayer life and personal devotion improving, although I'm in no means reading every day which is my goal.
Goal #3: let the games begin!
How am I tackling the big #3?! Well, with #1 and #2 slowly getting on track, #3 is much easier now (are ya lost yet?) I think the biggest blaring distraction that is so obvious, but is so hard for me to give up is Facebook. I've taken mini breaks before, deleting my account and occasionally checking in, but it's never enough. I always give in to the hankering to update everyone on my life with my witty statuses or dog pictures. I want to check in to see the newest pictures of everyone's kids. Sadly, I want to check in to see what new annoying status or picture such and such posted while I was away. I see this as a waste of precious time Jesus has given me to spend with loved ones, spend with him, or serve others. Thankfully, God has been reminding the simpler times are the most precious I've had with HIM. When I had no internet or cable and my nights were spent on the floor of my apartment with a candle lit and my Bible open were the times that have been most meaningful to me. The times I had nothing in my apartment to hold my attention, forcing me to get out of my house and build relationships with new people in a new city where I felt alone. The times I had nothing but Jesus to remind me of who I was and the importance I have in the kingdom. Those moments that God spoke to me that although I had little, to someone else I had everything and I needed to be thankful and give to others what God entrusted me with.
I was bold. My heart was sad for the brokenness around me in the city, so I yearned to see hearts change for Him. My prayer was for the city I lived in to see revival and renewing like only Jesus could bring. By golly, I want THAT fire back. Therefore, I am going to stick to my no Facebook and continue to clear the way of the distractions of our age.
I will leave you with yet another poem. Not because I think I am some great poemess (I made that word up), or that my words are wonderful. I share because these poems were written on the floor of my apartment in the times I had little. God spoke big ideas to me, because I made the room for Him to take the pen and write the story (thank you Francesca Battistelli for your new song. Holla!). I haven't written a poem in years and typically I hate writing them, but these poems are important to me because they are the words God spoke directly to my little heart years ago. The poems are my conversations with God. Enjoy.
I see the pain in her face,
The emptiness in her chest;
I yearn to erase her shame,
To put a lifetime of worries to rest.
Father, please take her anguish,
Why let her suffer so?
Take the hurt in her heart,
and let Your freedom flow.
Useless, I hear her cry,
Aching deep from within;
I crumble at the sight,
That's where I had been.
You answered me quietly,
Acknowledging my concern;
Reminding me before we rise,
We often fall and burn.
You tell me of the world,
The way it was to be;
Before the fall from grace,
And the tasting of tree.
You wept in brokenness,
For the hurting down below;
It made my heart hurt,
Seeing the faithfulness you bestow.
You cried for the lonely,
The wounded and discarded;
You cried for their emptiness,
Weeping for the brokenhearted.
Shamelessly you wept,
For those who had suffered rape;
You cried for lost innocence,
And inability to escape.
Tears fell for the poor,
For those living in the street;
For the cycle of poverty,
And the uncovered feet.
Your eyes welled with pity,
For the rich people too;
Their pockets full of money,
But their hearts ached for you.
You cried for the criminals,
For which I didn't understand;
You wept to my uncontrollably,
"This is nothing like I planned."
My heart began to thump,
As Your eyes searched my face;
Tears began to fall,
Seeing the fullness of Your grace.
I felt something deep inside,
Your face staring into mine;
Your Spirit entered into me,
Our hearts now intertwine.
We mourned for the oppressed,
Your lost and wandering kingdom;
We prayed for the day,
The whole world will seek your freedom.
You reminded me to stay strong,
To not give up heart;
That Your hope forever remains,
Because our hearts will never part.
So when I am angry,
The hateful world gets me down;
You are still my worthy King,
Bearing my blood on Your crown.
