God is Enough

My mind has been filled with thought about the evilness and badness that exists in our world. I've noticed that over the years I've become much more emotion filled when I think of crap that happens in our world. Abused children with broken bones, bruises, burns, empty bellies, and hurting hearts. Countries full of war where women are brutally raped, children are starving, and the sound of bombs and bullets are a daily occurrence.  A worldwide market of children and women enslaved to serve the perverse fantasies of adult men. You can't drive down I-70 without seeing signs for "gentleman's clubs" and "adult stores," all so some sleezy men can pull over for some cheap thrills at someone else's expense. There are daily news reports of people torturing animals- starving them, chaining them in the heat and cold, and leaving them to die.

There are days I think my heart may literally break, because of stories like these. It's often hard for me to fathom why I have it so good, while others are in a daily hell. My heart aches when I hear of children who it seems never even had a chance- born into poverty, abused, neglected, no resources, raped, etc. "GOD, WHY SPARE ME?" I cry out. The problems seem too big to ever go away. What could I possibly do to help?

I can look back at my childhood and see the way God was shaping my heart to care for these people. That's why he spared me! As a young girl, my parents taught me through example what it meant to serve others. My mom taught special ed, and I can see how her work ethic and heart to serve these kids made me want to do the same. I was the kid reading history books about the atrocities in Nazi Germany, and I thought Anne Frank was so brave. I can remember watching an episode of 20/20 with Hugh Downs and Barbara Walters about the orphanages in Romania that were full of cribs and babies who were never held. I remember thinking,"I'll go there! I'll hold all of those babies and love them." I was the girl that said I'm never having my own babies, instead I'm going to foster and adopt kids who need parents. These seemed liked insignificant events, but were really so important as God was shaping my heart to bear the burden to serve others.

I've been in a limbo the last 2 years trying to figure out how these passions to serve the hurting mesh with my medical career and where does God want me to serve. I still feel inadequate to be a doctor and go to these places that seem scary and dangerous. How will I be brave enough to do it? I've struggled with choosing between psychiatry and pediatrics, and after much prayer I'm pursuing pediatrics and praying I will match there in March. I often get strange looks when I tell people I love psychiatry, but I find it a field of people misunderstood and in need for healing and Jesus. My ultimate goal is to blend my love for mental illness and my love for kids and become a behavior and development pediatrician who specifically works with families who are fostering and adopting children. We live in a world in desperate need of parents for these unwanted children, but it can be a scary task for parents to take these kids into their homes.  I get reactions from people like I could never make a difference, because the damage is already done and the cycle continues for the people- A lost cause mentality. God has reminded me that this a lie directly from the enemy. We don't take on tasks for God on the basis of guaranteed success; we take them on because of a commandment to serve others and show them the hope of God. We might never see the final product of the seeds we plant, but God can take them and create miracles!

It's all nerve wracking and exciting, but through this process God has really got my heart on fire to do what I came to medical school to do. I came to get an education, so I can go and serve God's people. I want to travel overseas to Africa and Romania and serve the children. I want to serve families who adopt and foster and help them through parenting a kid with baggage and behavioral issues. I want to fill my house with foster kids and tell them,"Satan has been lying to you since day one. You are loved. You are important and I'm not going anywhere." I finally have that fire again where I want to tell satan face-to-face, "Look here moron, despite what you tell me, I can do this and God will prevail over you!" Without God, these tasks are impossible, but with God there's no end to the miracles and healing He can do! 

God has called us to so much more than cowering in the corner too scared to reach the lost and hurting, and I'm thankful He reminded me of this during worship this morning during these awesome songs:

"....Love has come and we're orphans no longer....It's rising it's rising, A song of hope from us set free..."

"...His love is fierce, His love is strong, It is furious...And it's waking hearts to life!"

So people, my message to you is to live this week with abandon and bear the burden for someone in need. Thank you Jesus for the blessings you have bestowed on us to share with others! I leave you with the last of my series of poems. This poem was written by me in my last few months living in STL. I was on fire for STL and seeing change in the city. I would go to the huge city park there and sit on a beautiful hill that overlooked a fountain by the art museum. I even had the courage to organize a prayer for the city with church members and old co-workers. I feel like I am finally back to that place of being on fire for God and on fire for change in this cold world. God is hope and He wants so much from our lives! Believe it!

I stand alone on a hill,
Seeking Your truth and presence;
Praying for Your Church,
to be on it's knees in reverence.

The Church is failing it's mission,
To spread the good news;
Our hearts work in vain,
Speaking Your words as we choose.

We bastardize the Church,
As we prostitute your teachings;
Relevance has become the goal,
It's the focus of our preachings.

Our lives are mere glimpses,
They reflect truth in only parts;
Because the Spirit is not the focus,
Leading the desires of our hearts.

We speak of revival,
A renewal of your people;
But the Church is content to stay,
Hidden behind the steeple.

Did we miss the work of Jesus,
The dirt roads he tread?
He called those from their comfort,
Abandoning lives they once lead.

Don't be deceived by the enemy,
Believing you're not to blame;
Until the world seeks His glory,
You carry a load of the shame.

Surrender your every thought,
Present it as holy offering;
Believe in the power of the Spirit,
and the majesty of the King.

May a holy fire burn deep,
A revolution is my cry;
May we drink of the Holy River,
and no longer be dry.