Shadowfeet

"Walking, stumbling on these shadowfeet
towards home, a land that I've never seen
I am changing; less and less asleep
made of different stuff than when I began
And I've sensed it all along
fast approaching is the day...

There's distraction buzzing in my head
Saying in the shadows it's easier to stay
but I've heard rumors of true reality
whispers of a well-lit way

You make all things new." 'Shadowfeet' Brooke Fraser


I often quote lyrics on here, because I love the way Christian music can speak the words and truth of the Bible to me in a memorable way. This song has been my anthem of the month, or something of the sorts. I love what the lyrics speak to me about my current situation and also remind of where I have been. It's beautiful!

God is repeatedly speaking to my heart and teaching me the same lessons I've learned before (Not his fault. I'm hard headed and I never learn the first time) and taking me a bit deeper each time. The journey is painful, but I can't imagine still living with my insecurities dictating every move I made. It's embarrassing me for think of some of the stuff I did or the way I treated others in my younger days.

I cringe. I get nauseous.  I panic a bit when one of those memories unearths itself and I wish everyone in the world would magically forget all my missteps. God then intercedes and reminds me He HAS DONE JUST THAT!

Thank you, Jesus.

I am humbled by Savior who uses me, my mess and all, to serve His Kingdom. He picks me up and breaths life into my soul to erase the shame and guilt from my imperfections.

I grew up in a Christian home, so I can't say there is a time where I didn't believe in Jesus, but I can say there was a period where I didn't live like I knew a thing about Him. I remember God tugging on my heart and speaking 'Whispers of a well-lit way,' but it took a long time for me to respond. When those whispers grew to shouts, and I could not longer ignore them, I can remember the feeling of utter humility and the desire to be completely authentic to people for the first time ever. I didn't care what they thought, but I just had to share my pain and my thoughts, my sin and my missteps, and that was my way of letting go.

I continue to 'stumble on these shadowfeet,' and God is again humbling me and reminding me to not let my insecurities rule my life: One of those lessons I don't think I'll ever learn. I'm in one of those periods of life again, where I have been stripped of what I thought defined my life, and God has taken me to the bare minimum. A time for just me and Him. A sweet yet painful time to rely on Him, to be refined, and to be authentic with others. Because, in reality, this is what should define me anyways.

I write this to remind any of you ladies struggling with your journey to take heart and be reminded of the One who loves you. You can come to Him now, no matter what is going on in your life, and He will take you, mess and all. He loves you just like that and will help you become so much more, because He makes all things new.